What Then is LOVE
WHAT THEN IS LOVE?
I will be a goof if I’m giving out relationship advice/counsel without explaining properly what love really is.
The Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary (6th edition) defines love as A STRONG FEELING OF DEEP AFFECTION FOR SOMEBODY OR SOMETHING. Now let’s take it one after the other.
1. LOVE IS STRONG: Strength signifies power/influence. No wonder the holy bible quotes that, “love covers multitudes of sin”. Love is strong. This then got me thinking; when you love someone or something it becomes normal that your instincts push you to do everything in your power to keep it safe and sound. You just cannot control it. When you love someone, you do everything you can to protect the person, make the person happy, comfy, make him feel valued etc. even if the person literally doesn’t deserve it. There’s this urge to satisfy the person- it just happens. Sometimes you do all these without even thinking.
Love is STRONG i.e. love is “rich and powerful”, love is “likely to succeed”, love is “good”, love is “not easily upset”, love is “hard to resist/defeat/attack”, love is “not easily broken”, love “has power over you”, love is “firm”, love is “easy to feel” and love is “healthy”. Often times, people mistake love for lust and that’s where they miss it. If in you do not experience the aforementioned qualities then you do not know the first thing about love.
2. LOVE IS BASED ON EMOTIONS: Love is strong but based on emotions rather than rational thinking. That is to say that love is based on how you feel at a specific period of time. Now, this explains why a very beautiful, well-to-do and educated woman will “fall in love” with a haggard looking / lowlife man and vice versa, leaving everyone else to keep wondering what could have gone wrong. It’s true what they say; LOVE IS BLIND. Love sometimes doesn’t require so much critical thinking. Once your emotions are in the excited state, you just go ahead and do whatever you think is the right choice. Thank God that people these days have learnt to not only depend on love but to also reason deeply before they act. However, for most people, once they’re in love nothing else matters to them anymore.... including common sense.
3. LOVE IS DEEP: Love goes beyond your comprehension. Have you ever wondered why people say, “I love you from the depth/bottom of my heart”? It is because of the mere fact that LOVE doesn’t float on the surface of one’s heart. Love measures from top to bottom, it goes a long way down and that is why it is difficult to hurt someone you truly love. In fact it hurts you to hurt someone you truly love.
4. LOVE CAN BE FELT: Something that is deep is strongly felt and sincere. You can’t just opt out, because YOU ARE FULLY INVOLVED (i.e you are far too gone). When you love someone, you feel with every nerve in your system. Your blood rushes at the sight of the person, you feel butterflies in your belly when you think of the person, there’s this feeling of electricity lightning sparking from the nerve at the back of your neck down to your spinal cords. So also when someone doesn’t love you, you feel a pint of emptiness somewhere even if you cannot place your finger on what it is.
Now, the main reason why people suffer heartbreak despite the above vital characteristics of love is because the minute they begin to feel the signs of affection, they no longer care to study and understand the person before they go into a relationship with him/her. It is one thing to fall in love, it’s another thing to be compatible with the person you have fallen in love with. Now you see why love is not the main ingredient of a healthy relationship. Those who go into a relationship immediately after they realise they’re in love sometimes miss it because they have not taken out time to actually study their partner. Often times, the couple soon get to realise that they are really not compatible. While some people stick around and try to make things work by patching and repairing some others do not have the tenacity to hold on hence the reason why they break up. 70% of these break ups leave one or both parties heartbroken. I will tell you for free that the level of love you have does not determine the healthy sustainability of your relationship.
Love I say, is the catalyst that kick-starts a relationship. It is the fuel that keeps a relationship running, and don’t get it twisted..... it keeps the relationship running but doesn’t assure the healthy sustainability of the relationship. Many people make the mistake of LOVE alone in their relationship, leaving aside trust, mutual understanding and compatibility. When you begin to have undying feelings for A it is easy for you to single him out from the multitude. Now before you think of going into a relationship with A it behoves you to study A very well, understand and know the strengths and weaknesses of A, see if A’s character and attitude matches and complements yours, trust A to do certain things, check if A will or is already adding value(s) to your life in every sphere of life. When A successfully passes the tests then you can begin to build your relationship with A, bearing in mind that the test was the foundation you were building for your relationship. On some occasions you already know A. It could be that A was an acquaintance, friend, colleague, school or classmate, fellowship member, partner, friend or family’s friend or someone you have been hearing about. In cases like this, it’s easier to love and be in a relationship with since you already know the person however, it is expedient that you do your own background checks.
Love is a beautiful thing but remember, it is not the only criterion to build a healthy relationship.
I will be a goof if I’m giving out relationship advice/counsel without explaining properly what love really is.
The Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary (6th edition) defines love as A STRONG FEELING OF DEEP AFFECTION FOR SOMEBODY OR SOMETHING. Now let’s take it one after the other.
1. LOVE IS STRONG: Strength signifies power/influence. No wonder the holy bible quotes that, “love covers multitudes of sin”. Love is strong. This then got me thinking; when you love someone or something it becomes normal that your instincts push you to do everything in your power to keep it safe and sound. You just cannot control it. When you love someone, you do everything you can to protect the person, make the person happy, comfy, make him feel valued etc. even if the person literally doesn’t deserve it. There’s this urge to satisfy the person- it just happens. Sometimes you do all these without even thinking.
Love is STRONG i.e. love is “rich and powerful”, love is “likely to succeed”, love is “good”, love is “not easily upset”, love is “hard to resist/defeat/attack”, love is “not easily broken”, love “has power over you”, love is “firm”, love is “easy to feel” and love is “healthy”. Often times, people mistake love for lust and that’s where they miss it. If in you do not experience the aforementioned qualities then you do not know the first thing about love.
2. LOVE IS BASED ON EMOTIONS: Love is strong but based on emotions rather than rational thinking. That is to say that love is based on how you feel at a specific period of time. Now, this explains why a very beautiful, well-to-do and educated woman will “fall in love” with a haggard looking / lowlife man and vice versa, leaving everyone else to keep wondering what could have gone wrong. It’s true what they say; LOVE IS BLIND. Love sometimes doesn’t require so much critical thinking. Once your emotions are in the excited state, you just go ahead and do whatever you think is the right choice. Thank God that people these days have learnt to not only depend on love but to also reason deeply before they act. However, for most people, once they’re in love nothing else matters to them anymore.... including common sense.
3. LOVE IS DEEP: Love goes beyond your comprehension. Have you ever wondered why people say, “I love you from the depth/bottom of my heart”? It is because of the mere fact that LOVE doesn’t float on the surface of one’s heart. Love measures from top to bottom, it goes a long way down and that is why it is difficult to hurt someone you truly love. In fact it hurts you to hurt someone you truly love.
4. LOVE CAN BE FELT: Something that is deep is strongly felt and sincere. You can’t just opt out, because YOU ARE FULLY INVOLVED (i.e you are far too gone). When you love someone, you feel with every nerve in your system. Your blood rushes at the sight of the person, you feel butterflies in your belly when you think of the person, there’s this feeling of electricity lightning sparking from the nerve at the back of your neck down to your spinal cords. So also when someone doesn’t love you, you feel a pint of emptiness somewhere even if you cannot place your finger on what it is.
Now, the main reason why people suffer heartbreak despite the above vital characteristics of love is because the minute they begin to feel the signs of affection, they no longer care to study and understand the person before they go into a relationship with him/her. It is one thing to fall in love, it’s another thing to be compatible with the person you have fallen in love with. Now you see why love is not the main ingredient of a healthy relationship. Those who go into a relationship immediately after they realise they’re in love sometimes miss it because they have not taken out time to actually study their partner. Often times, the couple soon get to realise that they are really not compatible. While some people stick around and try to make things work by patching and repairing some others do not have the tenacity to hold on hence the reason why they break up. 70% of these break ups leave one or both parties heartbroken. I will tell you for free that the level of love you have does not determine the healthy sustainability of your relationship.
Love I say, is the catalyst that kick-starts a relationship. It is the fuel that keeps a relationship running, and don’t get it twisted..... it keeps the relationship running but doesn’t assure the healthy sustainability of the relationship. Many people make the mistake of LOVE alone in their relationship, leaving aside trust, mutual understanding and compatibility. When you begin to have undying feelings for A it is easy for you to single him out from the multitude. Now before you think of going into a relationship with A it behoves you to study A very well, understand and know the strengths and weaknesses of A, see if A’s character and attitude matches and complements yours, trust A to do certain things, check if A will or is already adding value(s) to your life in every sphere of life. When A successfully passes the tests then you can begin to build your relationship with A, bearing in mind that the test was the foundation you were building for your relationship. On some occasions you already know A. It could be that A was an acquaintance, friend, colleague, school or classmate, fellowship member, partner, friend or family’s friend or someone you have been hearing about. In cases like this, it’s easier to love and be in a relationship with since you already know the person however, it is expedient that you do your own background checks.
Love is a beautiful thing but remember, it is not the only criterion to build a healthy relationship.
If you truly love someone and have decided that he/she is the person u want in your life, is it still okay for u to encourage other people asking u out by giving them attention and all other sorts of 'green lights'?
ReplyDeleteAnd when these people give you more attention more than your current partner or pamper u cos they're still new in your life, u start to evaluate your relationship based on they treatment and attention u get from these new guys. Is there anything wrong with this? Hope u understand tho
I have been in this situation before so I will answer this based on experience. At first, I didn't realize that giving the guy attention and always making myself available when he needed someone to talk to was encouraging him...... I was only trying to be friendly and viola! Nigga seemed to even love me more (at least that's what it seemed like) and the moment I had issues with my then boyfriend I suddenly realized that this other guy was caring, understanding, loving, barely got angry at me etc and it didn't take time before I also started liking him back.
ReplyDeleteNow to answer your question, it is wrong. First you're not being fair to the person asking you out as they begin to assume and hope that with your show of love and attention something might just happen between you two. Also, you're not helping yourself as you'll get torn between two worlds and lastly, to the person you're dating, you begin to gradually loose interest which can affect your relationship negatively and if you don't snap out of it in time you're likely to go with the new person and then you find out that the same thing happens again. My simple word of advice, if you are happy and fulfilled in your current relationship and there's someone out there asking you out be crystal clear in your words and actions that you have found your happy place and nothing can change that. Don't be rude, don't be extra nice. Just make your point and go.
I hope this answers your question š